Freedom.  Especially as the US government election nears, I watch people really start to take notice what is going on. In many cases, at the moment, I feel them panic. In the name of freedom and fairness they form their agendas.  They are angry. They are passionate. They are hopeful, fearful, sometimes dogmatic. But they are speaking their voice. I hope. Is it really YOUR voice or a regurgitation of what someone imbedded between your ears?  What does your heart say is truth?  What if each of us chose to look at our own Selves. Our own choices, and then the consequences of those choices. And what about the perspectives, judgements, taking of responsibility…. or lack of, that has led us to where we are today?

Who is really held in chains by the government, creditors, church leaders, families, and friends? Why is this? When are we going to realize it is us who got “me” into this. And it is Me who must get me out? Scary? Yes. But beautiful? It can be. What is freedom? Ask yourself the question. Not superficially, but ask what the real truth is for you.  Why is it that we think we must depend solely on others to grant it. To me that is what puts us in chains in the first place. I wonder what elections would look like if everyone took real responsibility for their own lives. Would we become human again?  Would would the world look like? What would it feel like to be Me?

Freedom means so many things to so many people. My request is that people will look inside themselves and inquire what it really means. How important is it to you? Define it. Break it down. Then have the courage to live in a way that emulates it. Stand up. Be strong. Be free inside of your heart if nothing else. What if you do become an outcast? Really it is not as bad as it sounds. I’ve felt like an alien much of my life. When I finally learned it had beautiful aspects, I saw myself fly.

When I was little I felt strangled by strict parenting, school rules, church fear-embedded and sprinkled with elitism “guidelines”, clutches of friendships, sociological and cultural agendas, and the list goes on. As the years have passed, I have done everything possible to find what freedom means to me. I’ve spent many 1,000′s of hours alone in the mountains, desert, water bodies, and sometimes just at home seeking what it means to me.  Sometimes I think I find it. Others I make choices that shows me it’s opposite. Ouch.

I am no longer my parent’s child. I am free of that. Or am I? I choose to raise my own little son, Canyon, with no rules.  He is in charge. He makes decisions and lives with the consequences.  Watching him choose to a point his life is a great teacher to me. He is the closest to a “boss” I hope to ever have again.  I do have this funny fear that Canyon will someday rebel against my no rule thought pattern,  just as I despised my militant like upbringing…. I am already planning on giving him 3 years worth of weekly therapy sessions to get over any way I may have destroyed him with my strange parenting style. I can see him having issue with the thought that “mom didn’t care”. But in, fact I do. But I swung the pendulum the other way.  I care so much about him that I am traumatized to impose any rule or even the slightest negative anything to him in fear of making him feel offended. On some levels I know this is counter productive.  Kids typically at least like a bit of structure. Yes? I don’t know. I do the best I can given whoever or whatever it is “I am”.

My schooling is finished. I hope to NEVER go back. School felt like a prison. I stay as far away from bureaucratic prisons as possible. But this doesn’t always work. During the last few years of my college and then beyond, I was forced into a 7 year law suit which I lost after my head injury. Then I was right back into the slow wheels of justice “system” when I got sued for my medical expenses immediately after. At that point I had been in the ugly unfair court system for 1/3 of my life. I will do anything not to go back. I allowed myself to be nearly destroyed by the system, but luckily I am stronger than I think.

But then I think of all of my flying all over the place to race. On multiple occasions pushing for my “rights” to TSA almost ended in arrest for rebellion. Don’t they understand I have a voice? I question everything. I question them. When they can’t or won’t answer my cries and sometimes accusations of the ludicrous rules they hold, I can’t hold back. I can hardly deal with the fact that, they don’t care. So I finally learned to tone it down. I realize fighting for my First Endurance .5 extra ounces of gel or my homeopathic funny little remedies isn’t worth a record or denied flight.  I realize to live with society, I do want to choose to follow some sense of flow. I may not agree with it, but full rebellion is not a happy way of it. But it doesn’t mean they don’t make me mad!

The list goes on. Boyfriends whom tell me “the way it is, or else.”  What is that? I warned them I am high freedom. Capable of thinking, want to be seen as an equal. And then they are surprised I have a voice as well?  Good grief.  Or perhaps, good riddance?  Whatever. Don’t think you can control me. Do not put a leash on me. If you must, it has to be extremely long or we won’t make it. Don’t force an agenda on me. If you don’t like me for who I am, don’t date me in the first place. I am amazed at how some people think they want to date me. Then once they do, they want to change 10,000 things about me until I am perfect. Really? When are you going to learn that doesn’t work. That is not love. That is wanting an illusionous  prize. Arm candy. I am none of that. They call me Rachel. I don’t know who I am, but I am certainly not something for you to manipulate or control. But then I watch myself in certain ways do it to myself, or to them. Yep. I have so much to learn. I just destroyed another amazing relationship due to my not allowing him his own space. Some of my life lessons hurt so much.

Then there is me when I am with no one else. The times when there is no filtered mirror to look into. It is just my soul staring straight at me.  Over my life, I have pushed everything away from me that even slightly resembles chains, walls, or prisons. With out initially realizing it, I instead wrapped my own chains around my throat.  I must be this, I must act like that. I have to think this way. All of a sudden I was nearly buried six feet under. There is no one or no thing left to blame it on. I can’t breathe. I am sick, I feel stuck. And then I look in the mirror. I realize I have enslaved my Self. I still flee to my running, my cycling, my yoga, Pilates, the stars, the sun, anything to run away from my crazy mind.  I realize my effort to be “free” has turned into a self-imposed prison.  WOW.

But lately I have finally began to see that the way out is the way in. I bound myself by way of fear. All in the name of securing the freedom I strive to capture in a bottle…. I am finally learning that I will never find true freedom until I learn to face my fears and realize the illusion they are. I have suffocated myself and my life based on false beliefs.

Sometimes beliefs I formed, promises I made to protect myself, isolating practices to protect, all of which initially did help. In time these became my captors. I continued to clutch when it was no longer the way up. Instead I made myself fall.  Luckily if nothing else I am good at standing back up again.

Hmmmm…. So here I am. I just turned 32. I’m shocked and amazed I am still here. I’ve had 4 near death experiences. 3 of which are public knowledge. 1 of which I still have never had the courage to speak about. And I still can’t. Yes. I really do have that much fear inside of my tiny little body.  Someday that voice will be found. Yet for now, it is a secret. Another prison. Possibly.

I watch how I push away anything and everything that dares to bind me in chains.  That includes anyone whom thinks they can put me into a little box. No way! This is all in the name of finding freedom.  I watch myself fight for my self-inflicted rights at all costs. I pull myself into isolation to stay away from the pain.  I run to the desert. I run for the mountains. When I can’t run any more, I jump on my beloved bicycles and ride until numb. Sometimes I ride until happy. Perhaps it is really all the same. I run to find freedom. I ride to fly. When I die some day, I want my ashes spread over the Grand Canyon so I can fly with the eagles forever.

I am promising myself this year that I will learn to love who I am no matter what. No one and no experience will take away my freedom. I am setting myself free in my heart. My hope is by myself finding this, I may help as many others possible live free as well.

When I was three my family moved to Fairview, Utah. A tiny town in the middle of no where.  I still love visiting there. This is where my first childhood memories lie.  I like to visit my elementary school, which is so very tiny to me now. Back then it was the place where I beat all of the boys running impromptu foot races, I was the only kindergartener brave enough to go down the gigantic (probably illegal by now) metal slide.  I was princess of tricks on the monkey bars, and a queen kissing tag participant. Hmmm… I still wonder why I have always to this day had this urge and need to win? For some reason it is a huge part of the core of who I am.

I remember in kindergarten I was supposed to dress up like a Christmas bear for a school play.  This was after I begged to be Mrs Claus and my teacher gave the role to someone else.  I was determined to be the “star” anyway.  I couldn’t find a bear costume. Instead I dressed up like a dog (yes I love those creatures) and proudly sang the song, “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” to my entire school and their parents. Back then I didn’t know I shouldn’t sing in public…. but I thought I was the best there ever was.  I love that! That song to this day is one of two Christmas songs I still enjoy.  I laugh every time I hear it but until now, never told anyone why.

I lived in a cute little red brick home my dad built, right next to school. We had a cocker spaniel, Tilley.  When she had puppies I decided I had to bring ALL of them to school for show and tell. My mom told me no.  Ok. I simply sneaked home (of course without telling my teacher) and dragged a big box full of all of them, sans an upset four legged mother, across a grassy field to my classroom when my poor mom wasn’t paying attention. I’m sure looking back it brought delight to my classmates and horror to my teacher.  I still refuse to take “no” for an answer.

I mostly remember my dog, Nimbus.  I don’t remember not having him. I recall watching my little white mutt lapping his water from a dirty metal bowl. As soon as his turn was over, I would follow suit. I wanted to be just like him. I remember screaming in pain from his bites when I squashed him too hard with hugs, gave him his despised baths, or played too roughly. I was never smart enough to figure out why I received broken skin by way of his razor teeth almost daily. I still cry thinking of the day he died. I was six. He lived to chase cars up our gravel road. I fondly called it the Fairview bumpy road. It is the same road I annihilated the exterior of my left knee in my first bike crash.  That one I am certain appalled my ballet teachers. I sport a strange little scar that remains from it.  I witnessed the death of my best friend when a big truck with a horse trailer hit him. He died instantly. To this day I have never felt so helpless or cried so hard.

Up until then, I had always wished on the stars. Sure back then I also prayed to God as my Mother instructed.  It never felt real. But being the obedient child (in a few superficial ways) I would say my prayers quickly before bed or a meal.  But, what I’ve always felt connected to was nature. Especially the clear night skies.  In Fairview we lived at a relatively high elevation. It being a dark tiny town, every cloudless night I could gaze up and see this amazing galaxy of tiny dots.  I would find my favorite bright star each night and send my wish.

I believed with all my heart the stars were there for me. Until my dear Nimbus passed away, my wish was always the same. “Please watch over my Daddy while he works out of town. Bring him home soon so he can play with me”.  When Nimbus died, I began wishing for him as well. I begged the stars to take care of him since I couldn’t anymore.  By Nimbus dying, I learned to asked the stars for all I dreamed.  I continue to trust the stars more than any God.  It is just my way.

Even now I rely on my wishes on the stars. Living in Salt Lake City (aka the 801), I often get very blue in the winter. When inversions happen and smog crowds the sun and stars from my sight I feel lost.  It is as though the blanket of filth blocks the beautiful energy from giving me my life force. I feel let down, unprotected and sad.  The outwardly happy me shuts down fast and I struggle deeply.

This winter we experienced the driest December on record.  The greatest snow on Earth? At the moment, not so much… in the 801 we had some inversions which normally would have left me dismal. It can be so easy to forget that there is lovely sunshine nearby. Looking up, it is easy to think there is nothing else.  Forgotten by the sun and stars I fall apart.  Not this year.

I feel so fortunate that one of my dearest friends had the insight to get me out. He reminded me that the sun and warmer moments were right there. We simply had to look beyond the muck. He took me to Park City 6 times in 8 days, which is just a 20 minute drive away. We  rode bikes and laughed and played in the cold, heartwarming sun.  I was lucky enough on a couple of these days to be up there until dark (yes one day I near froze to death, but luckily a hot shower thawed me out). There I secretly talked to the stars and created my wishes in my heart.  I feel so lucky!

In continuing that luck, the sunny days in the 801 the last week have been glorious. With my work being as it is, I’ve been granted the opportunity to ride my bike in sun on many incredibly gorgeous days. Sometimes alone, but often with my new team or with just a friend or two.

It has been very difficult for me to transition from running all over the nation to switching back to my bikes.  But everything that happened last year has pointed back to my bicycles. When I had the head injury in 2001 and ended up with a traumatic brain injury from it, my road bicycle racing days ended for the most part. I am still recovering from that accident as my brain has healed slowly, but I know the opportunity to race again is my life’s way of bringing everything that much closer to full circle. Finally years later life is creating what I wanted long ago. It is exciting!  I know that if it is right, running will come back to me again too.

Today was New Years day. I spent the early morning with my adorable son, Canyon.  Late morning I took him to hang out with his dad and I left for a gorgeous 4 hour team ride full of sunshine. After I was finished I’ve been home alone with my thoughts and dreams. Even though it is cold, the night is clear and perfect. I can’t see all of the stars I know are there. City lights….. not my favorite. But the half moon and the stars I see I wished on and dreamed until my bare feet and face started to freeze.

I am looking forward to an amazing 2012.  I am remembering to trust and live my life to its fullest.  I am going to show a part of my Self that I have not seen for a very long time.  It feels amazing to finally let go of some of my fears and find freedom in a way I haven’t experienced for a very long time.

Changing out running legs for wheels... photo credit Neways

From a distance most people see me as an outgoing, energetic, over the top, out of control running, biking, yoga loving, single mom…. whom doesn’t know when to stop. Yes this can be true. But did you know that I am one of the most inward thinking souls I have ever met? No wonder I struggle to relate to much of the world. I do manage. Or pretend to. Most of the time.

But to the majority I only offer 1 or a few of the many facets to the outside world of my Self in the way of mind, body, and spirit.  The core of who I am, most will never see. Of those I do show, it is yet another rarity to be met with understanding. Heartfelt grace I rarely receive.  But that is okay. It highlights for me many things.

Does anyone ever stop to inquire why I might run 80 miles until near death with an E Coli infection?  It certainly wasn’t because it felt good. It wasn’t for glory either.  There are many reasons I kept going until my kidneys began to shut down. Most could never guess why. I am still paying dearly for it. My body is finally coming around. I sacrificed the rest of my season over it.  But, I would never take it back.

Welcome to the way I live life. I don’t make sense to most. Sometimes not even to myself.  But one thing I do know is that I have a vision of where I am going. My journey to get there has been wild.  And please note. Where I am going is not a destination, it is not where material things lie, it is none of which most could ever guess or understand. But trust me, I don’t do what I do without my heart saying yes.

Through the next year I will start showing and explaining more about this me.  It may be a surprise or full on shock to many to possibly even begin to understand the way I am wired, but I choose to be raw. I don’t like secrets.  In the mean time, here is what is coming on the surface for 2012. My crazy life has yet taken another major twist.  At the moment, I think I like it however bitter sweet it may be in my heart.

2012 is going to be an interesting year. In using that wording, I do believe it. Interesting in a very good way!  I will be launching amazing beautiful essential oil products as well as organic and consciously created embrocation creams for cyclists and runners.  My ever so giving doctor, Gene Harkins, has been helping to create them for 3 years.  They are almost ready. Also I am a newly sponsored athlete from Flora. They along with my Dr. are helping me recreate my body naturally.  It is all coming along with the ups and downs I go through. When racing season starts, I will be back! Thank you both Flora (Udo’s oil and other amazing products) and Dr. Harkins. I am also so grateful to XTERRA, Newton, CWX, Brent, and all of my friends and other experiences in my life which continually pick up the pieces and put my Self back together. It does not go unnoticed, yes I am so appreciative.

My racing path is about to shift as well. Due to injury and universal direction I am shifting much of my energy back to my bikes. I have joined a team Canyon Bicycles which is local to Utah.  So far a month into riding with them, I am thrilled to report adverutres of joy and delight with a fabulous group of hard working, light hearted, crazy in the head cyclists. I am LOVING having motivation to heal and get back into shape laughing, and sometimes not laughing, all the way.  It is so very compelling to watch how one thing leads to another. Each death of what was and the birth that becomes what is…. Fascinating is all that comes to mind.

Expect much more of this and the road bikes for 2012 (of course wearing a Canyon Bicycles kit)

I will still run as my body allows, but I am going to race road and endurance mountain bikes in 2012. I will possibly race some running. But, as part of the healing and moving towards my vision, running, with both tears in my eyes and a humble heart, is going to take the role of cross training.

Beyond 2012 will I go back to racing by foot on the national and world scene?  Time will tell. Just like driving a car, I am only able to see what is in front of me. The temporary destination will be there when it arrives.

So with one week left of 2011, I happily announce my hiatus from writing is over. Rachel is back and really to literally roll (exceptionally fast) through 2012.

I can certainly relate to this. As can every human being out there.  I think of life like the ocean. I think of everything it takes to make a wave.  No, it doesn’t take an easy straight line. Riding as currents, swirling this way and that.  Darting around and through obstacles, it never arrives as a wave or splash onto the shore without a journey.  And once it finally hits the shore, the water doesn’t just stay there. Ebb and flow.  Sometimes the water comes in calm and peaceful, a gentle break on the beach before retracting. If you were to swim in the calm water most likely it would be delightfully refreshing. Easy.  But what about swimming when the ocean is stirring with a vengeance?  Perhaps the shore can no longer be seen. If you were out swimming in turbulent waters, you may lose sight of direction completely. Lost and afraid knowing you wanted to get back to the shore, but it was out of sight.  The more you panic the less likely you will make it. But, if you calm yourself, search for a high landmark and work with the tides, you will make it.

When you do, it most likely takes more than a few dunks by massive swells.  Redirecting multiple times as you are tossed about. When it is all over and you are safe, you will have learned a lot about yourself. How determined you were to reach the shore.  You may have even found a more beautiful piece of beach as the water finally pushed you onto safe ground. What if you had fought and struggled and ultimately given up on getting back?  That becomes the difference between the people who are able to rise above their challenges and those who drown.  It is a decision each of us has the choice to make.

In many aspects of life we experience challenge. Health and financial crisis does happen.  Or perhaps knowing where we want to go, but don’t know how to get there.  Often we see in others only their successes. But what did it take them to get there?  Guaranteed there wasn’t one simple line to their achievements.  Absolutely they had a vision and goals set to acquire what they wanted. When things were in the ebb motion, it was probably difficult.  Maybe they struggled, perhaps questioned their ability to succeed. It could have taken re-evaluation of the direction they were going. Certainly a decision of how dedicated they were to reaching their achievements.  Buried under the water their faces wedged into sand they bravely stood up, remembered their vision and kept going.  Because like the ways of the ocean, they trusted there would be flow again.

As an athlete, I have watched myself go through this many times.  It hasn’t been easy.  I remember when I decided I wanted to start running competitively.  I couldn’t even run a block without stopping. So I ran from one light post to the next before I would walk. Eventually I ran an entire mile. I had a goal of someday winning races.  What it took for me to get from where I was to where I am now has been a wild ride.  But I wouldn’t change a thing.  Today I am not only a professional athlete, but also a single mother and a running/cycling coach.  I also teach Pilates and yoga and am a licensed massage therapist.  Balance is a challenge.  Sometimes just as trying to swim in rough waters, I loose sight of my goals. But I always have in my heart my ultimate goal.  I have fallen many times.  I have not only lived but learned to thrive again after two separate near death experiences.  I could have simply decided to give up.  Each time I was told I was lucky to live but I would never race again. Instead I found the courage to remember my dreams and move once again towards them.

An important tool for me is to have a game plan.  I have huge goals to set the bar high. But I also have many smaller goals sending me in the direction of what it ultimately is I want.  This way I appreciate the journey it is taking me to get there.  I do things every day that add up to bring me closer to my vision of a successful happy life.  When things go wrong I certainly face them and evaluate what happened.  I strive to learn the lessons and make decisions of what I will do differently. I ask myself how I can use the setback as a platform to move forward and up.  When things go right it is also important to celebrate and be excited. Of course this creates momentum.

Helping my son walk through the waves

Realize the challenges of life are part of the human experience.  It is just like the rise and fall of the ocean.  Decide you are going to make your dreams come true.  Set goals. Be willing to fail and ultimately you will look back someday and see how both the ebb and flow of life brought you to who you are today.  Love it, celebrate it, and continue dreaming and creating your own amazing life.

Introducing Neways. A fabulous company created in an effort to provide households with quality supplements, personal care, and household products.  They provide safe products without controversial ingredients. Neways is a proud sponsor of the 2011 race.  In addition they found out I needed help financing my race. They are not only helping me with my entry fee, but are also providing me with products to help me prepare for and properly recover from workouts!  How lucky am I?

One of the products I am very excited about is called Alleviate. I am a massage therapist and understand the benefits of light massage (even self massage) for helping circulate blood flow post exercise so muscles recover faster. Add in this amazing cream and it is instant success and love for rejuvenation of taxed and tired limbs. Two of my favorite recovery ingredients are in it. Arnica and peppermint. It is a great way to remember self-care post workout and to make sure I relax as well.

Another great product is Acai Action.  It is actually a drink in single serving bottles. The thing I love about it is it has caffeine in it and I am finding it is a great replacement for coffee.  I like drink the little 3oz shot of it about 20 minutes before I go for a long run or ride. It is gentle on the stomach, gives a “sweet fix” and I literally find my energy is sustained stronger and longer than if I don’t take it.

For anyone lucky enough to be heading to TransRockies this August to race, you will be thrilled to find that Neways is taking care of you as well with these perfect products to help you get the most out of your race!

I am pleased and excited to be working with Neways. They stand behind much of what I believe in. I love that they strive to be a green company and look out for the complete well-being of their customers. I look forward to partnering with them as they provide me with support to have the best TransRockiesRun race ever!

Santa Cruz Pier

On rare occasion I am able to start writing about my race experience before I race. Today is like that. I continue to be amazed at how I get to my events. Today I owe it to many as always for getting me here.  Two weeks ago I injured my left leg and SI joint again. I took a big fall as I was out training a client trail running. I literally tripped over nothing it seemed. So crazy how that happens as the trail was non technical and flat at that point. I have run so many steep crazy technical runs with no mishap. It was another lesson to me to be here now. Stay focused and in the moment.  I paid for this one big time.

Two days later I somehow I made it through a disappointing finish at duathlon nationals. With my heart in my throat I crossed the finish line in 12th overall and 3rd in my division. I still made team USA and qualified for Worlds, I have a difficult time with sub par performances. I had very little power and a lot of pain. I then spent the next week trying to rehab my leg. It was so seized I couldn’t even straighten it or pick up my foot. I literally had 6 different people try work it out with massage My natural doctor, Gene Harkins spent hours of his precious time with me coaxing it to let go. Man my body can be stubborn!  By the next Saturday for the Moab Gran Fondo, I still had pain but had recovered 60% of my flexibility.

No Wonder my hips hurt....my bike is too small

Still not feeling right, of course I raced. I figured it was on my road bike with the opportunity to gain some fitness without impact. It was also a chance to spend time with good friends in Moab and my son, Canyon.  While I didn’t ride anywhere near my normal ability as I was still in a lot of pain, I still managed a 3rd place overall female finish. I am lucky I know how to ride with my breath and heart as this was all I had to work with as my leg and hips were still in pain. I  had very little power and spent over 10 minutes on the side of the road watching other racers fly by as I fixed my tire.  10 miles to go I flatted going 40mph down a steep grade after finishing 5,000 ft of climbing. I was so mad that I flatted, but at the same time grateful I have good road skills as I didn’t crash or ruin my beautiful Easton Carbon wheels.

Uncle David and his awesome wife Aunt Gee took Canyon hiking and repelling. The story upon meeting up again in the afternoon was “no mom, we didn’t go get ice-cream for lunch.”  Right!

The morning after the race in gorgeous sunny weather (wahoo!), I woke up early and went with Uncle David (no blood relation, but still family in my heart) out to Arches national park to do a photo shoot in desert of red rock and sand. Me practicing yoga and David shooting. It was a lot of fun. The desert is amazingly therapeutic for me and I am so happy I got to spend my morning out there!

Upon returning it was time to pack up and take make the trip back to a cold rainy Salt Lake City. Luckily I caught a ride with great friend Art and I got to just chill in the passenger seat which is my preference on road trips. I don’t like driving!  Canyon being the dream child he is behaved much better than I as I squirmed in my seat most of the way home wishing I could get out and ride.

One funny thing that happened as we drove along the highway is up ahead someone had lost their truck shell. They had many belonging strewn upon the road. As we got closer I saw my cycling friends Ryan and Jenelle running about gathering possessions. I panicked worried if they were okay and made Art stop so I could check on them. The story was they stopped to help those who lost their shell and were helping. With vehicles whizzing by at 80mph I didn’t hang out long. Wished them hello/good-bye and ran back to the car. A little while later I received a text from my friend Jenny asking what I had been doing running down the highway? Ha! The highway reunion of the 801 cyclists?  So funny. It is amazing how I never know who sees me.  Many.

Returning from Moab I was bummed. It was cold rainy gloomy. I was worried about my aching body. I still didn’t know if I was going to make it to my race in Santa Cruz. I hadn’t bought my ticket. Had no money to do so and wasn’t sure I should go with my body being out of whack. I decided that if I was meant to go, the Universe would take care of the details.

Enter my sweet friend Bahar.  I am lucky to practice yoga with her on a regular basis. Early mornings in my living room we breathe, intention, fall over, laugh, you name it. It is the most fun I have ever had with yoga. I am so lucky she takes the time to join me twice a week. I told her my predicament and that if I was meant to go to Cali, It would happen. If not, I was learning to accept that it was okay.

An hour after she left my house, she emailed me telling me that there was no way I was missing my race. She got me my airplane ticket using her hard earned miles. I already was entered into the race. I have a place to stay with dear friend April. The only thing I have to pay for is a rental car. Oh wow! I is unbelievable how I get places. Thank you Bahar and April. I appreciate you so very much!  The cool thing is Jeff Trout also offered me his home. Because April lives right near the venue, I decided it would be smarter to stay with her (less chances of me getting lost!).

How is it that I have never been to Santa Cruz before, yet am lucky enough to be heading out to see my family. This is what XTERRA is. Not only do they offer incredible racing adventures, but the people who put the races on are family to me. My friends I have met over the years through XTERRA events are so dear to me.

I am especially looking forward to reconnecting with another soul sis Renata Bucher. She is one of the most amazing athletes on the planet. Last summer I was fortunate to have the opportunity to train with her in Park City as she was preparing for XTERRA worlds and I for trail run worlds. My wish is someday we live in the same town and can train together. I have never had a training partner who was so perfect for me.  Maybe someday if I hang out with her enough I will become like her.  She is strong, lean, fast, and so very smart.  She is also one of the sweetest kindest girls I have ever met.  I have a long way to go!

Yay! Fast forward a few hours or 8. I made it to Oakland. Picked up a cool new Subaru for my rental car and drove to Santa Cruz. Instead of trying to describe the word ADHD, people have often just said, “you know Rach? She is the definition.” Ya. But I really am working to shift that! I really am! I actually for the first time in a long while made a game plan. First. FInd Trader Joes. Did it!

Views from the bluffs at the Santa Cruz trail race

Then out to Wilder Ranch for a bit of a run to check out the trail course and kiss the beautiful ocean. Well…. One thing led to another and my 30 min max time limit turned into a stop at the beach. I had to do some yoga. Then of course I had to play in the water. Then soaked and wet I realized why it might have been a good idea to put socks on with my shoes. Can I describe sand as sticky?  It wouldn’t come off my feet!  Hmmm… Maybe sandy feet in my trail shoes would file down some calluses. In my case with my “mountain runner” feet it would be a good idea.  So on went my shoes with sandy feet. Dripping wet I carried my running clothes so hopefully my swimming suit would try faster. I am sure I looked silly to other racers checking out the course. But I didn’t care.  I was enjoying the ocean views and the cool sunny skies too much!  I knew that on race day I might not even notice. One thing led to another and my half hour turned into 2 hours out playing on the course and in the sand, water, and sun.  Oops.  luckily I ran slowly stopping any time my hips started to seize to stretch and shake them out.

A Quiet Pre Race XTERRA Tent Village

Finally after running the entire course.  I found my way back to XTERRA’s tent village.  I was so hungry!  About to head towards my car, I made it about half a step before I ran into Kalei, such a hard working woman with 48 different job descriptions to keep XTERRA rolling. I talked with her and then a few others walking by. Finally I was about to and Renata came riding!  I was so happy to see her. Big hugs and joy!  Of course I talked with her until she had to go and was about to leave myself.

John at the pier

Then John came. He is the same one whose shoulder I cried on in 2008 after the final triathlon XTERRA nationals in Tahoe I raced when I was sick. Right before things got really bad. He found me again here! So then I talked more. Yes XTERRA events are always a grand reunion for me!  When I had the chance I made a beeline for my car. Food! I needed food! It was 3:30 Utah time and I had yet to eat for the day.  Well John came over in his truck and invited me to eat lunch with him on the Pier. Cool!  Lunch with good company is great!  My choice of food? An IPA from a local brewery and grilled fish. Perfect!

After that it was a trip to a running shop to pick up registration and of course hug and kiss and talk way too much more. Now I am at April’s amazing home loving the peace and solitude and time to prepare for my race. And I was only 4 hours later than I planned. I am tired but ready to run fast! A great tomorrow is on the horizon.

Jeff Trout has a vision. He is a Veteran and triathlon and high school track coach.  He has been through a lot serving our nation. He also watched many of his fellow soldiers come back with traumatic brain injuries, missing or very damaged limbs, among others. Led by way of passion for endurance sport as well as overwhelming empathy and love for his fellow soldiers, Jeff had the vision to create foundation, The TriSoldier Project to help injured soldiers recover. Jeff works tirelessly to help these heros to  find happiness and a wholesome mind, body, and spirit as they learn to live back in American society with very different circumstances than they left with.

I have never been a soldier, but in the spring of 2001 I donated blood at Red Cross and passed out immediately after. Somehow I cracked my head just wrong on the concrete floor and lost enough blood and oxygen that I have never been the same.  At the hospital I was released early with my head stapled back together as I had no insurance. The last 10 years needless to say have been a wild ride.

Traumatic brain injuries are tough. On the outside people look just fine. On the inside all of a sudden the person doesn’t even know who they are. Panic attacks, flashbacks, altered personalities, inability to cope and manage stress are only some of the consequences. I became this person. I lost my ability to read or write, flunked my next semester of college (my first ever), and spent several years essentially homeless as I struggled to live off $300 a month with no one to help me.  This eventually led to attempted suicide. Somehow at that lowest moment of my life I listened to a little voice inside that said to keep trying. I made a decision I was going to become well. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I was going to make it no matter what.

It is now 10 years later. I have had many severe ups and downs. The help I desperately needed finally came in many forms. Today there is still enough residual to remind me of where I came from, but I made it and I am still climbing. I know someday I am going to reach my own huge potential and I am so excited to be on my journey.  I still get overwhelmed easily, become confused in crowded and overstimulating situations, have problems with memory among other things, but I am able to function and thrive in most ways in our society.  I can hardly imagine what soldiers must have seen and been through. And then to try to work with the aftermath later? I want to help.

I am looking forward to helping Jeff with his organization.  Part of what I want to do is teach soldiers and others who suffer from traumatic brain injuries the beautiful other side they can someday find. Endurance sport has been a huge part of that healing for me. I am grateful each day my body is able to feel joy through my running, cycling, and yoga. I am going to help soldiers overcome their obstacles in the ways that helped me.

So why the long tangent? Jeff contacted me not long after our second meeting in Hawaii and asked if I could ride a bike. Ha!  He had so idea how I love to ride. I consider myself these days a runner with a biking addiction. Or switch it the other way around and I could also be a cyclist with a running love.

Duathlon is finally becoming embraced in the US. USAT with a lot of help from Jeff is embracing the sport and striving to make it big and grand and wonderful just as triathlon is.  Jeff asked if I would like to race Duathlon nationals in Tucson.  Even though my main thing is running for 2011, for his invaluable TriSoldier Project and for the love of my bikes I said yes. I also realize it was the answer to a wish a long time ago that dualthon would become mainstream in the US. When I am healthy and fit, biking and running are both very strong for me. Not so much the swim in a tri…. It is finally happening. Duathlon is on its way in big time!  I am looking forward to it’s growth.

So what do you do in your kitchen!

Little did I know what a huge challenge this would become for me.   First, I no longer own a Time Trial bike. I sold it last year so I could have a way to fund some of my running races. Luckily I know many generous people. My friend Emma Gerrard who is a professional triathlete let me borrow her bike. It is too small.  I had a number of other friends offer bike parts, their time to switch things around, etc to help make it work. When it was all said and done, the saddle was still almost 2 cm too low, but I decided that I would do the best I could.

Then came housing. Again short on money, my friend Jake who owns a cool company selling Athlete’s Octane which is an incredibly effective athlete nutritional liquid formula, offered to let me stay in his home in Tucson. His amazing and talented girlfriend Kara (She did awesome placing 2^nd female overall!) also competed in the Duathlon Nationals.  Thanks so much Jake and Kara for opening your home to me.

My friend Art helped me ship my borrowed bike, Jeff and another new friend/athlete Josh Evans had it ready and built for me when I arrived in Arizona. That taken care of, I thought I was ready to race.  The hard part of spending two weeks struggling to get a bike etc. together and getting myself to the race was the end of it. Right?

On the day I was to fly out to my race, I was teaching a client trail running technique.  I was running close behind him so he could hear me speak and hit a rock and sent myself flying. My hips and hamstrings on my left side seized and twisted to the point I could barely finish my run. This was one day after my amazing chiropractor/acupuncturist Greg Freebairn had helped me make sure my body was ready for my race. My natural doc Dr. Harkins and helped me as well in getting muscles to fire I had shut down racing a few weeks prior. I undid all off this and worse in less than a second. There was no time to go back to try to fix it.

I knew I was in trouble as I had extreme pain and only about 25% of my normal flexibility on my left side. But being me, I caught the plane for Tucson trusting that somehow my body would allow me to race. Friday morning I woke up not feeling any better. But, do you want to know how I know I have the best doctor ever? I called Dr. Harkins once to tell him what happened. He called me back I kid you not, six times that day to help talk me through some things to help my leg. Ice, hot tubs, arnica, homeopathic remedies, and the list goes on.  He is amazing and I am so grateful.

Getting ready to pre-ride the course

Other than being incredibly worried about my leg and hip, Friday was great. I hung out with Jeff, his wife Tatjana, and fellow athletes and new friends Josh and Hillary both out of Cali.  It is rare when I have people to spend time with when traveling to races. This was such a treat to feel as though I had “family” at an event.  The same went for the evening at Jake and Kara’s home. They made me an amazing dinner, wouldn’t let me clean up and even their sweet dog Preston loved me lots to help me feel like I was home.

I was exhausted that night and passed out early. I slept with a wish to my body that somehow I would awaken the next morning and feel better. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. The leg still had very little flexibility race morning. My sacral iliac joint was still out and I was having nerve pain up and down the back of my leg. Ugh. I foam rolled and stretched and was worried.

Wow. It's been along time since I was part of a scene like this

Pre race setting up

At the race site a while later I could barely jog let alone run. Super man Jeff helped me out a lot. Five minutes before race start he made me lay belly down on the sidewalk and massaged my hamstrings in an effort to get some of the spasms to let go. It helped a lot. By the way. CW-X is so good to me. I have a contract with them to wear their clothing for my events. I lived in their tights every moment of this trip minus the race. They gave me permission to race in a TriSoldier kit. Thanks CW-X. You rock!

When I stood up from my short last minute massage, I could at least straighten my leg and push a bit.  When the gun went off at the start, I stayed with the lead girls at first.  By a mile into it, I was leading despite the pain.  On some levels it felt easy as my lungs and heart were not working hard, but on the muscular side, I just didn’t feel right. I was lacking power and my normal gait. At the end of the first 5k I crossed the line into transition in the lead. I ran at a much slower pace than I even run a typical road 10k or half when I am feeling good. I ran an 18:53

Heading into the 30k bike, real trouble started. I did okay until about mile 3 when my hips decided they didn’t want to deal with the saddle being too short. They seized taking a lot of my leg power with it.  Gosh darn it. I ended up biking the next 15 miles not able to push like I normally can and having to stand up off the saddle for most of it. I watched as my lead quickly not only slipped away but was shattered by many of my competitors. Seriously? I am such a girl who doesn’t like to be humbled…

On rare occasion have I ever been so happy when the bike leg was over. I was nervous going into the second run. I’d had to work much harder than I possibly could have anticipated making it through the bike. Focusing on deep breathing and my abdominal muscles was the only way I could pedal at all by the end.  I was disappointed as the lead women were so far ahead on the run that I would have need at least a half marathon and a miracle to catch them. But there was only 5k.

I ran a very slow 2^nd 5k. My hips were twisted and my hamstrings in the left leg were so very locked. Despite this I still passed many, but not enough. I finished the race with a 3^rd place in my age division and 12^th overall.

Even a girl who believes in looking for the positive and knowing that I had some major issues that didn’t allow me a performance showing my true capabilities couldn’t totally hold it together. I congratulated my competitors with as much smiles and grace as I could, but I know I didn’t mask my disappointment very well.

Jeff was sweet in trying to console me. What a great guy. But the fire inside me still burned.  And yes I did cry later that night when no one could see me. A huge highlight of my day is as I walked to my car to look for my phone to give a race report to wondering friends, two people ran up to me calling my name. Who in the world in Tucson Arizona in the middle of a medical complex in the middle of nowhere of town could possibly know my name?

Me with Valerie Stewart and her son Aaron!

It turned out to be my brother’s darling mother in law and her son Aaron who live in Tucson. They found out I was racing and came to find me. Huh. I didn’t even know they lived in Tucson. What a joy to know they cared and would take their Saturday to seek me out. I hadn’t seen either of them for years. I smiled my first true smile of the day and laughed some good pure laughs with them as we caught up on each other’s lives from the past years.  Thanks Valerie and Aaron!

I wish I had more time with them. But, I had to spend my time packing up Emma’s bike to ship back to Utah. Or should I say I showered off my stinky body while Josh Evans packed my bike.  I wish I could hire Josh permanently. He is heading off to join the Army soon. He is a hard worker and very talented as he placed second in his field and kicked my butt big time. I told him I was going to beat him trail running as soon as my leg gets better. He doesn’t believe me!

Jeff escorted me to TriSports.com to ship my bike.  Yes he knows a bit of my long “getting lost” history. TriSports is a fabulous shop by the way. They charged me a very fair price for shipping and made it easy and worry free once I got it to them. Their online company is incredibly impressive as well. Check them out if you can!

After that there was a bit of chill time before a way too long awards ceremony. I really wonder if the people of USAT realize that athletes who just raced themselves to pieces are tired that late at night, and if they were like me, it really hurt to sit!  Oh well.

The next morning I was lucky to have a very amazing woman as my seat companion. She is from New York and her husband is a tri coach and athlete. It was fun to chat with such a beautiful fit happy woman. She has a really fun vegan blog that is very worth checking out http://jlgoesvegan.com/ She definitely made my flight much better. Especially since we sat on the tarmac for an extra 40 minutes to replace a light bulb? Seriously! Look outside people. Does it look dark to you at 8AM in Tucson? The bulb couldn’t be waiting for you upon landing in the 801? No, Delta is not my favorite airline. But they did at least get me home faster than a 14hour drive would have.

And now I have Jake and Kara and well as Valerie and Aaron to visit when I go to Tucson again!  It is one of the things I love the most about traveling to races. Like minded souls make me so happy. I told them I was moving onto their couches next winter! With my son Canyon of course

Congratulations to my competitors.  I am so thankful for everyone who helped me get to my race. I am forever grateful for all of my support from Jeff and Josh www.trisoldier.org ,Newton Running, Zarephath trading, CW-X, Greg Freebairn, Dr. Harkins and I can go on and on. They say it takes a village to raise a child. In my case the world literally raises and constantly saves Rachel.

Running Straight past the Bayou. Good thing it wasn't open or I may have stopped for Chimay on my way home. Not a good breakfast idea....

I choose to race both the road and trails for many reasons. I feel as though the road helps give me mental focus, good leg speed and a chance to work on form. I also don’t always have the opportunity or time to hit a trail. The beauty of the road, at least where I live, is right out my door I am free to dance immediately with roads and traffic and living. I seriously get thrills out of it.

And then there is off road. This is where heaven lies. I again learn focus of a different sort. The trails challenge balance, foot work, and give me strength that I could never find just always running in a straight line on a man made surface. Roots, rocks, sand, mud, water is love. Snakes I could do without, but I am working to make peace with scary thoughts of  death by venom. I love nature. I like smelling earth and watching the quivering of aspen leaves in the breeze. I find freedom in nature; it is my best therapy. I love the perfect feel of my Newton Running shoes softly tapping the ground as I fly through the bliss.

Yesterday was a time to hit the road in the Salt Lake Half Marathon. I don’t race a lot locally and it is refreshing to be able to sleep in my own home and know how to get to the event. I love it that as I am racing I have friends in the crowds cheering, running mates racing with and against me, and familiar sites to pass by.

Despite being familiar with the University of Utah campus as I spent five years there completing my bachelor degree, I am amazed at how I still managed to cause myself pre race grief. I had planned on taking an exit off the interstate below campus as road closures wouldn’t be an issue yet. But as I got to the exit I would normally take I suddenly panicked as I almost missed it. My sigh of relief turned into a big duh as I realized what I did. Sweet. No left turns. I meant to park my car about 2 miles up from the race finish and then take the train up to race start. That way post race I would have a perfect 2 mile cool down. Instead I ended up finally parking 25 min later than I hoped at the top of Federal Heights and running as fast as possible to make the race start. Sweet! At least I had a mandatory built in warm-up.

I loved despite the huge amass of runners, I still found or was found by many friends. I was especially happy to see an amazing woman I helped to train for the event. Lisa is inspiring. She had all sorts of troubles getting signed up, had pre race medical issues, and still made it. Not only that, but she ended up hitting a personal record. Go Lisa! I am so proud of you!

At race start, I stood next to my new road training partner Walter Brown. He has a heart breaking story himself. Years ago his left leg was paralyzed in a terrible car accident. His pelvis was also broken in 23 places. A man of true miracles, he not only has worked incredibly hard and believed and given his all to come back, but he holds a recent personal record in the marathon distance of 2:31. Today he smoked me with a 1:12! In my dreams and hopefully some day soon I will run like Walter. Straight from the heart with wings on my feet.

Running Down State street at 8AM on a Saturday morning.

When the gun went off, the runners took off all smiles and bounds in the overcast damp morning.  It was perfect running temps for everyone except myself who thrives on sunlight. Oh well. I took off at a typical pace I find comfortable. My bright orange Newton‘s flashing the crowds. Within the first mile I took the lead for the women.  This was short lived as I was over taken by the eventual winner at about mile 3. I realized I was still not fully reovered from my race at Lake Las Vegas the week before and couldn’t quite match her. I had to make a decision of staying with her and risking blowing myself up, or remembering this was one race leading to bigger things down the road. Despite my little ego being “mad” I didn’t try to challenge her, I know that in the long run staying back was a better choice. About mile 7 I was passed by another girl, Michelle Lowry. I have beat her many times in St. George. Today was her day to get me.

For the remainder of the race I focused as I strive always to do on my form and thanking volunteers at the aid stations and police stopping traffic of angry hurried drivers….  I thought of the good people and things I have in my life. The fact that my body feels good without ever taking medications. That I am able to run. That I have the best running clothing company ever CW-X backing me. And on and on. This is how I keep going when I start to slip. It helps so much to find the positive. And yes I did slip some. My legs didn’t quite have the snap that I love when I am on. But how would I know how much I appreciate being “on” if I didn’t have off days?

I am grateful to my friend Art for once again riding his bike all over the course and taking pictures of me so I have some action shots for my site and sponsors. Yes. The world takes such good care of me. Plus it is fun to have a cheerleader. I have raced most of my life until recent years without anyone there for me. It was for years just the dreams in my heart that carried me. It makes a difference to know now people care.  I love it that here in the 801, as well as almost anywhere I race, there are people I know and show up for me. I love that so many of my clients and friends leave me texts and messages of encouragement. It all makes my world so bright.

As always, on a mission...

Near the finish in the last 2 miles there is a good long uphill section. I was happy for it as I hoped that perhaps Michelle might slow down. No such luck. She was determined to keep her lead. At the finish line I place 3rd female overall of 2,715 and 25th overall of 4,444 males and females. My time was 1:21:53. Allie was almost 2 minutes ahead in 1:20 flat and Michelle in 2nd was 1:21:20. I was almost 5 minutes off my PR. Yikes! Next time will be better.

Post race was fun. I hung out a bit with Walter and his wife and 2 of his kids. I also was able to see more friends I hadn’t even know were running the race. One of the coolest girls ever ,Kathyrn Conner ,came in less than a minute back from me. I had no idea she was there. I guess today I never looked back. I love reunions with my ever growing family.

All that was great and fun, but I needed to be home by 11AM for a client. When I left, I paid my price for my driving mistake earlier. I was parked six miles up into the foothills from the race finish. On tired legs I jogged back. At least I knew the general neighborhood my 4runner was in, but I forgot to note the streets. It turned into an hour long expedition searching for my vehicle. Details. Gotta remember those.

In all, the Salt Lake half marathon has certainly helped put me on track for later this year which is shaping up to be absolutely magical. Thanks to all of my friends for the support, Newton Running, CW-X, Zarephath Trading, XTERRA and many more for my beautiful life.

4runner ready to go. 3 mtn bikes, 2 racers, a chauffeur/photographer, and a kid (my boss) for Vegas!

Last week’s race in of cold, slippery mud in Boise left me shaken and a bit discouraged. Fortunately for me, I have the best of the best people surrounding me in my life. Friends and clients who love me even when I don’t do as well as my head thinks I should. Sponsors telling me not to be so hard on myself and reminding me that not every race will go my way. My amazing Chiropractor/acupuncturist Greg Freebairn putting my hips, feet, heart and head (!) back together, along with my natural Doc figuring out my intestinal issues I’d been struggling with for weeks was a virus and helping me fix it. Wow! I am lucky. Lucky. Lucky!

Even luckier was I had the pleasure of heading back to Lake Las Vegas for one of my favorite 21k trail races with XTERRA! I completely love XTERRA. The people behind the races create fabulous events to help athletes tap potential, and embed into hearts memories and friendships that I cherish. It is like a huge family reunion each event I participate in, filled of people I absolutely LOVE!

This is one of my soul sis's Simone from Cali. We've been great friends ever since we knocked each other over at XTERRA Tri Worlds in Maui in 2007. And no, it wasn't during the race.... It was so great to see her again!

Thursday afternoon I left with Emma Gerrard, Art O’Connor, and my little son Canyon, car fully loaded to Nevada.  I made up a rule. We brought my car, so I wasn’t driving. Makes the trip so much better when I can day dream looking out the window at snowy mountains and vibrant sunsets without having to remember I’m supposed to be looking at the road!

On the way down to Vegas we made a quick stop to St. George to drop off Canyon to play with Grandparent’s and cousins. Last year was too tough for me trying to find someone to watch him 5 minutes before the race start.  Little angel made me promise I would win the race before we said good bye as he really liked going to Hawaii last year.  Great! Pressure on by way of a 6 year old.

This race was important for a number of reasons. First I needed to get my confidence back. Second, I was incredibly excited to spend time with great friends. And of course it would also be great to win my ticket back to XTERRA trail run Worlds in December.  Friday morning we went to the XTERRA expo to pick up registration packets and check out the courses. My 21k was to be a combination of the XTERRA West Championship’s bike and run course.  After saying hello to Janet and Dave, Kalei, Ann and everyone else I could possibly find to give a big hug and kiss to it was time to ride.

Emma and I pre-riding the race course

Views of Lake Las Vegas, feeling the high energy vibes of the XTERRA communtity, and initially getting out on the course made me momentarily miss and wish for racing triathlons again. I loved racing them so much.  Someday it will happen. I will be back to full health soon. I know it.  In the meantime I feel incredibly blessed I am becoming stronger and faster running than I have ever been before. I love running. Within about 15 minutes of riding I realized my skills were so shaky from lack of riding dirt that I was cured of the need to race the steep, rocky sometimes technical course on two wheels. I followed Art and Emma as best I could but soon was wanting to ditch the bike and just run after them. Yes, my mountain biking skills need some serious help! I rode with them for a while and then left on my own for a bit to finish shaking out my legs from the drive from the 801.

Pre riding my run course

I love riding. Even when I’m shaky on the skills. Definitely a great way to preview the race course for Saturday. My perfect pre-race warm-up. It was great! My head was still having a bit of a difficult time being ready for my race. I knew that I needed to have a shift and get my game face on. That evening Art and Emma left the condo we were staying at to pick up dinner. It gave me some time alone to decide what was going to happen on Saturday. Right before they returned I knew I was ready to race inside and out. I slept very well that night.

On a mission

Race morning went off without a hitch. I became increasingly more excited as I ran into more friends I hadn’t seen for a while. I danced around the venue all smiles and joy. When the cannon went off (yes XTERRA always shoots a cannon!)  I started off light and easy watching the other females take off in front of me. I looked at the gaits and form and listened for how they breathed. Went we hit the dirt I took off. I initially thought that I would have an easy win. This assumption only lasted for the first 3 miles.

Running back from the Lake. About to hit the big hills again

I don’t often like to look back when I am racing. Move forward. Keep looking ahead. But today, I looked back. I was surprised to see a girl about 30 seconds back behind me. Hmmmm….. first I thought I could shake her by going a bit faster. She matched the stride. Wow! I became a little nervous. The race was no where near over and I was feeling a bit as though I had taken off too fast. My mind started wandering a bit, concerned about if I didn’t win, how would I handle it? I made the decision that somehow I was going to win the race. I could still visualize myself crossing the finish line as first female. I used the thoughts of everyone who supports me, believes in me, and the thought of my little Canyon being there at Worlds to propel me forward.

The remainder of my race I had to use a race tactic I made up on the spur of the moment. I wasn’t quite strong enough just to pull away from the second place girl. So what I did instead was to conserve energy and breathe very deeply to get as much oxygen into my system as possible. When she came closer than my 15 second comfort zone, I would pick up using form techniques taught to me by my running shoe sponsor Newton. I would go as long as I could to open the gap and then back off when I had to so I didn’t blow up. I knew if I kept from going into lactic overload I would win the race.

Going into the single track marsh area, I hit it really hard. I love sections like that. It is play time! I ran fast pushing off the berms and playing with form. I hoped that she wasn’t so comfortable in this type of section. Towards the end, I had opened a bit bigger gap but she was still there.  She was tough! Art and XTERRA’s Trey Garman were both there taking pictures. They called to me worried I would lose the lead. For some reason I found the energy to go hard. The next sections of the race included a lot of climbing. I was thrilled to have big hills coming up. I picked up the intensity and went for it. Luckily she was a better flat and down hill runner than climber. When I reached the beginning of the biggest hill almost a quarter mile long we ran twice in the race, I had opened up a bigger gap and knew I had it. I went as hard and steady as I could up the climb. I looked back one more time from the top and knew I had finally cracked her. Shooting down the other side, I ran hard. Fast across the flats. Then as quickly as possible up a crazy steep and loose mean hard hill. The remainder of the race was primarily down hill. I didn’t want to take any chances so I didn’t slack. I ran fluid and strong as I could all the way to the finish line and a happy first place finish.

Goofy finish picture. The kids holding the tape didn't let go and I almost fell!

Of course being so excited and having so many beautiful people I know, I pulled a Me, even though I know better. I forgot about my mandatory post race cool down and stretching nor did I eat anything for almost 6 hours post race. But I had a fabulous time catching up with old friends, meeting some new, and loving it that I won a race which, had I given up in my mind or heart, I may have lost. It was a huge reminder to me how important it is for me know no matter what, what I want.

John and I. Met him at Tri Nationals in Incline Village in 2008. I was so sick after the race. In pain as I raced just after breaking the first of many teeth that would break out of my mouth due to a crazy parasite infestation of my body that almost killed me. He was a volunteer at the race. He remembered me as I had cried on his shoulder in pain for an hour post race. This time I hugged him all smiles.

Podium...

The evening after the race was fun. Emma, Kelsey Withrow, and Cristine Jeffreys, were getting ready for their  XTERRA triathlon for the following morning. Art and I enjoyed a great dinner with these awesome pros!  How lucky! We had a great time laughing and eating celebrating endurance sport. I am so inspired at the athlete’s they are.

The next morning Art took Emma to her race start. I stayed at the condo trying to wake up and stretch my sore tired legs. Dang I wish I had taken care of them better after yesterday’s race. Achy, tight, wishing for my icy creek.  Big reminder once again that great racing is not just about the race itself, but the preparation all of the way around as well as proper recovery.

Here is where I need to start accepting things better. While I celebrate all of my friends still racing triathlon, I continue to have a difficult time not being able to race triathlons myself. I cry and get really sad when I watch them. I am fine being around the scene, but watching the actual racers doing what I loved still breaks my heart. So while Emma and my other friends raced the tri, I went with Art to ride mountain bikes in Bootleg Canyon. It was so much fun! I want to go back there soon.

We got back in time for the XTERRA race finish and awards. I am so proud and happy for Emma and Christine. Emma was 6th in the pro field and Christine was 3rd!  Kelsey did great too but was unable to finish due to bike problems.

Now it is late and I am home. Tired and happy.  Canyon is excited to know we get to go to Hawaii again for 2011!  As always, I am so grateful to Newton, CW-X, Zarephath Trading and all who help make my dreams come true.  Thanks Art for helping make the weekend a success. He rode all over the course taking pictures and giving encouragement. It is always great to have support. It means a lot! Thank you XTERRA for again putting on a top notch race. I can’t wait to race your next event!