From a distance most people see me as an outgoing, energetic, over the top, out of control running, biking, yoga loving, single mom…. whom doesn’t know when to stop. Yes this can be true. But did you know that I am one of the most inward thinking souls I have ever met? No wonder I struggle to relate to much of the world. I do manage. Or pretend to. Most of the time.
But to the majority I only offer 1 or a few of the many facets to the outside world of my Self in the way of mind, body, and spirit. The core of who I am, most will never see. Of those I do show, it is yet another rarity to be met with understanding. Heartfelt grace I rarely receive. But that is okay. It highlights for me many things.
Does anyone ever stop to inquire why I might run 80 miles until near death with an E Coli infection? It certainly wasn’t because it felt good. It wasn’t for glory either. There are many reasons I kept going until my kidneys began to shut down. Most could never guess why. I am still paying dearly for it. My body is finally coming around. I sacrificed the rest of my season over it. But, I would never take it back.
Welcome to the way I live life. I don’t make sense to most. Sometimes not even to myself. But one thing I do know is that I have a vision of where I am going. My journey to get there has been wild. And please note. Where I am going is not a destination, it is not where material things lie, it is none of which most could ever guess or understand. But trust me, I don’t do what I do without my heart saying yes.
Through the next year I will start showing and explaining more about this me. It may be a surprise or full on shock to many to possibly even begin to understand the way I am wired, but I choose to be raw. I don’t like secrets. In the mean time, here is what is coming on the surface for 2012. My crazy life has yet taken another major twist. At the moment, I think I like it however bitter sweet it may be in my heart.
2012 is going to be an interesting year. In using that wording, I do believe it. Interesting in a very good way! I will be launching amazing beautiful essential oil products as well as organic and consciously created embrocation creams for cyclists and runners. My ever so giving doctor, Gene Harkins, has been helping to create them for 3 years. They are almost ready. Also I am a newly sponsored athlete from Flora. They along with my Dr. are helping me recreate my body naturally. It is all coming along with the ups and downs I go through. When racing season starts, I will be back! Thank you both Flora (Udo’s oil and other amazing products) and Dr. Harkins. I am also so grateful to XTERRA, Newton, CWX, Brent, and all of my friends and other experiences in my life which continually pick up the pieces and put my Self back together. It does not go unnoticed, yes I am so appreciative.
My racing path is about to shift as well. Due to injury and universal direction I am shifting much of my energy back to my bikes. I have joined a team Canyon Bicycles which is local to Utah. So far a month into riding with them, I am thrilled to report adverutres of joy and delight with a fabulous group of hard working, light hearted, crazy in the head cyclists. I am LOVING having motivation to heal and get back into shape laughing, and sometimes not laughing, all the way. It is so very compelling to watch how one thing leads to another. Each death of what was and the birth that becomes what is…. Fascinating is all that comes to mind.
I will still run as my body allows, but I am going to race road and endurance mountain bikes in 2012. I will possibly race some running. But, as part of the healing and moving towards my vision, running, with both tears in my eyes and a humble heart, is going to take the role of cross training.
Beyond 2012 will I go back to racing by foot on the national and world scene? Time will tell. Just like driving a car, I am only able to see what is in front of me. The temporary destination will be there when it arrives.
So with one week left of 2011, I happily announce my hiatus from writing is over. Rachel is back and really to literally roll (exceptionally fast) through 2012.