23 February 2008 By Rachel’s

St. George Runaway

So moving was hard. Here is the insane thing about it. I had less to move than I’ve had to move in a long time. I got rid of some stuff, left some, and had not a single piece of furniture to lift, haul or otherwise even think about (Scott is keeping everything–I’m tired of asking, begging, or fighting for anything period). Canyon was in school so there wasn’t even a child under my feet or jumping on boxes right as I was about to lift them. That was very nice. So why did it take me so long and why was it just so darn HARD if not nearly impossible for me to move my stuff back down the canyon? I don’t have a clue.

I do have some ideas. I am tired. Last year I must say even beat out the first two years post head injury. It was tough. Glad it’s over. Glad I learned I could HTFU and get through everything and still race fairly well (racing saved me) regardless. Problem is once it was all over, and I had time to finally think about it all, I freaked out. I’m still freaking out, but promise I’ll be finished soon. Another thought. I moved to SLC in August of ’98 for college. I just counted, I ironically have moved 28-I’m 28 (was I just catching up?) times since then (feels like more). I am plain sick of moving. I used to like it as it gave me a chance to organize and get rid of items I didn’t need. I hate keeping anything I don’t use or won’t use soon. I don’t like moving anymore (this time moving, I had fantasies of my condo burning down so I wouldn’t have to think about it-yes, I’m a little insane at the moment). Now that I have a child who is the most resilient, amazing little boy in the world, I would love to create a positive, stable, happy situation for him. I want to give him the world. I want him to do and have everything he ever wants in life and for him to know he deserves it. I’m determined to figure out a way to provide that for him. Another reason. I moved to another place I know is temporary. I don’t know what’s next. SLC, St. George, Thailand, I am open to anywhere as long as it ends up being a great situation. I just wish I could figure that out! At least I am counting Antarctica and other insanely cold places out for sure. I think I mostly am having a difficult time trusting my own instinct because many of the decisions that I have made or I have let other makes for me over the past few years have ended in catastrophe and much pain. I’m done with that for a while. I want some happy endings to come very soon. Anyone else want to throw out why I would stand looking at a box for over an hour and have to do everything I could to muster up the motivation to put something in it? Taking out to my vehicle was a similar battle. This is when I knew for sure that for this little Sagge, not leaving town for over 2 months had gotten to me X’s about 1,000! So my apologies Matt, but I left all of mine and Canyon’s stuff on our bedroom floor (haven’t figured out a furniture situation yet), gathered two of my bikes and Canyon’s wheels as well. Drove like two fugitives racing from Hell–not to worry, I just received my 2nd ticket ever for running a red light. So it was more like we drove like two crazies with certain restrictions as I’m not about to get another.

Where did we bail to? Yep, St. George to check out the family life for the first time since September. I’ll say one thing tonight about St. George. I was so lucky to grow up in such a beautiful place. Each time I go there it get soooo excited to be back to my red rock homeland–especially when SLC is socked in a cold inversion and it’s claim to fame for the week is rating worst in the nation for air quality. VERY SAD. Why I’ve never moved home? Well, I could write a book on that one. Will I ever move home? Some of the pros are starting to outweigh the cons… you just never know what I’ll do ’till I do it (another jumped in head first scenario–Rachel’s style). So yep, anyway, I am in St. George. Got a great 12 mile run in the rain/sun/rain tease today. Soaked up the beauty, soaked in some peace.
Tomorrow weather dependent I’ll be doing the Zion Century ride which I haven’t done since ’05 which I did 6 weeks after giving birth. Was I nuts? If not then, I am now in a completely different way. I’m snapping out of it though. I promise. Sunday I am planning to ride over from Bloomington to Green Valley on my mountain bike. I’ll do a lap or two of the Rampage course and ride the GV loop home to Bloomington. One of my all time fave’s. Monday, assuming I can still walk, I’ll hit another run and maybe a light ride. If my legs won’t work, my alternative will be to swim at my favorite public pool in the state, Sand Hallow Aquatic Center. I love that pool. Plus my little bro’s girlfriend Jamie works there when she’s in town. She rocks! Wow didn’t mean to ramble on like that. I’ll quit now before you fall asleep.

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I will always remember waking up at the age of 12 to the pain I saw in so many while simultaneously realizing how lucky I was to feel fantastic.

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